Hello everybody!
I have returned with a bloated stomach and ready to blog! I had breakfast at Sophia's grandmother's place. I aspire to be like Sophia's grandmother. To be able to provide for my grandchildren, nourish them with the affection and make sure they have what they need. But that's a dream reserved for the future! She made us toast, baked beans and fried our eggs sunny-side up. She never fails to make me feel at home. Our itinerary for the day is Markets @ JayaOne as stated in the previous post.

We met up with Chrysty and Joji much later and shopped. I would just like to acknowledge one thing I like about today; the patrons! People who came with the will to shop in all sorts of shapes and sizes. I think the patrons are truly devoted to the celebration of art, fashion and food. I analyzed what others wore and was inspired by their choice of fashion. The patrons made an impact.

Purchases of the day; Badges, a notebook (the old notebook Sophia bought for me now has a friend!)

and polaroid stickers for my very special little guy,

I'm talking about my best friend on the corner left.

Ah, now the badges Sophia bought for me has new friends!

In addition to my ridiculously girly-but-useful pencil case.

Having said so, this wasn't the best bazaar I've been to but it definitely wasn't the worst. I was home quite early and dozed off in my room with the AC on full blast. I woke up feeling like an eskimo. As for now, I'm enjoying a day in. I couldn't accompany Sophia for her movie because I have to be back home for dinner. But that's okay, I don't need to be out because I have a party on my own!

You must think I'm a loner :'(

Oh, note the blue comforter with printed animals? That's Sophia's baby blanket! She was about to give it away, but I told her to give it to me instead. By now you must think I'm weird but I see value in certain objects and I like to think that she will thank me one day for keeping it! 

Revising chemistry before our final paper.

Maybe we do want to be chemists!

Hello everybody!
Mid-term is finally over! But I'm not too keen on enjoying myself because I'm not looking forward to my results. This is just my paranoia instilling fear into myself. I'm on a conquest to seek money from my parents because I want to have a good time spending money at Markets @ JayaOne this weekend. I hope my attempt succeeds, and what's my tactic you're wondering? Honesty and a lot of self-pity. Zero exaggerations. I'll kindly ask them for extra pocket-money so I could shop! It's been a while since I actually shopped. I need to breathe the air of a new wardrobe!

As for today, despite the fact that holidays have partially begin, I still had to attend chemistry tuition. You have no idea how bad Sophia and I wanted to skip but we know her grandmother would kill us if we did. We didn't regret though, because today just happens to be one of those days when you feel like you acquired plenty of knowledge and it all seems worth it. Ikmal picked me up and sent me home, which just makes tuition classes much less of a burden. To be able to see the person you love is rewarding. I'm really lucky to have him around.

Speaking of which, I have his scientific calculator with me! 

And as you can see, I have vandalized it with Post-It notes.

But that's alright because it doesn't stop there, given the inspiration I will apply more Post-It notes. Oh, his calculator is with me because he's using mine's for college. We traded, but I reckon I'll be getting my calculator back tomorrow. As of now, I'm tired. It's an early bedtime for me. This headache isn't going to cure on its own. Goodnight, Damansara.

I'm sorry if this is about to drag on, but I don't think I have anywhere else to type this down and remind myself. I don't have a journal, you see. How do I make this as natural as possible? Here goes!

To who it may concern;
I have wrote so many love letters in a lifetime. Both directly and indirectly. On screen and on paper. All of which are genuine and were written for strangers I have once harbored romantic feelings for, which is why I don't know how am I suppose to make you believe this is special. But hold that thought, don't believe it's special. I want you to know it by heart because I can't force you to love me. I want you to tell apart what's good for you and what isn't. I want you to be happy and if I can't bring you the happiness you deserve, then don't stay. I think everybody deserves to be happy :)

You have made me the happiest girl these past 6 months. I know we've been talking for these past few years and believe me, you are great company and an even better pirate. I've spent my past 6 months diving into your world as you have dived in mine. You know just when I return home from school, or when I'm lying (either because you know me too well or I'm a terrible liar) or asleep and why do I occasionally have late-dinners. We've been in each other's shoes for too long to know everything we should. Routines, trivial pursuits, secrets, habits and dreams.

What I love about you could only be sum up into a mere sentence, 'Because you're you.' and that's true because only you possess these strange habits I remember, behave a certain way and have fatal attraction. You're infectious and you work hard, for everything. From the decent results, to the girl you love. And I'm happy you finally made me realize what a wonderful person you are although this act was unintentional. I don't know why have you had not been reminded by anyone else but you ARE wonderful and I'll miss you more than anything when you begin your first step towards a career! I think I'm much more excited for you than you are for yourself! :)

Who's going to skin the prawns when I eat KueyTeow now? Who's going to kiss my finger every time I get papercuts? Who's going to make fun of other people with me? Who's going to flip the pages when I read and let me sleep on their chest? Who's going to correct my grammar? Who's going to fasten my seatbelt? Who's going to queue for hot chocolate on rainy days with me? Who's going to put me to sleep in wee hours of the morning? Who's going to laugh like a homicide with me? Who's going to yell KIMAK, BODOH, BABI in my face so I could respond with a KAU AH to?

Baby, I don't think I'll ever meet anyone who's as crazy as you. Who willingly puts up with me with every ounce of sincerity. By now you should have already know you hold a special space in my heart. If you're an avid reader of this junk, you ought to know I'm not a believer of expressing my emotions through smiles and frowns, only solid vignettes to express my feelings. But note that there are 2 smiles and no frowns in this long and winding rant. I wonder how you'll feel after reading this; pressured, upset, overwhelmed, happy, awestruck. I can only imagine, but for what it's worth I love you. Yesterday, today and tomorrow. Tonight, I wear my heart on my sleeve and computer screen.

I feel like I can't vent out how I feel at any sort of social network, or to any friend, or even here because everyone is going to misjudge me. And don't give me that, 'Everybody will misjudge you' crap. You say it and after awhile, you complain about being judged too often as well. I just wish I had someone who would be there for me when I cry and not make me feel like an idiot. Oh wait, I had that. Now it's gone. Along with a few other people, but save the tears for the bedroom. I want to sleep it off. Wishful thinking; that isn't going to work.

I don't know, I don't think I'll ever be okay. I'm just, really sad okay? I've been trying so hard to push it away, but it's starting to kick in now. And of course I'm hurt, but what can I do? Might as well be happy so I won't put pressure or make it difficult for any of you to leave. You know what's worst than people leaving? It's when they leave without telling you. At one point, their presence makes you feel like daisies and sunshine and when they leave you, you feel like you just died on the inside. Then you'll wish they come back every day of your life. It hurts especially when you can't tell anyone. What if I knew how the story would end because I've heard it over and over again? But I'll still play my part and let's see what happens next.

Whatever it is, no matter what happens next, I have to remind myself that this is the price I pay in letting someone in. I shouldn't be selfish. I think, to conclude what I've posted, I'm only mad at myself. It's not anyone's fault.

No Hablas, bitch.

Hello everybody!

I know I haven't updated in a while. Browsed through my folders and there you go! A picture of Saiful Amin with hair. I'll start by acknowledging the fact that I'm in dire need of cash to pay for my cheer skirt, polaroid films, a new book and recently, a bus-trip to Stadium Malawati, Shah Alam to watch my school cheer-team compete in this year's cheerleading competition. Why must it be in Shah Alam? If it was in KL (As it has always been) I could have taken an LRT. I could also catch up with Victoria Institution's Carnival at the same time. Kuala Lumpur. Shah Alam. Now how do I get from point A to point B? Here are my options!

A. Hitchhike. 

B. A

C. B

Today, I feel drowsy. I wanted so badly for it to rain, but from the looks of it I doubt for a downpour anytime soon. I wish I knew what else to type down but I'm running out of ideas. I'm watching Discovery Channel right now and they're educating me on why can't you simply drop a nuclear bomb in the ocean. It sounds insane, doesn't it? But apparently, numerous people are entertaining this idea. And I'm here wondering why are they wasting money on nuclear weapons when they can compensate for my cheer skirt, polaroid films and a new book.

Heck. I'm going back to bed. I'll wake up in an hour's time pumped up (crossed fingers) for Biology. I can't imagine how difficult the paper would be. So much reading to do by tonight. As for you, have a pleasant Monday. You know what they say; 'Mon' is mine in French. Monday becomes MY day, and frankly, that sounds like a much more promising start of the week. Au'revoir!

Hello everybody!
I think most of the time, I feel empathetic for anyone no matter who or what they've done. I always put myself in their shoes and take priority in how they feel. I spare kind words more often than I give spare change. It pays off dearly, I've finally learnt that. But tonight I feel so, antagonized to a point where I could just flip fucking tables any minute now.

I think despite treating others compassionately, when I'm mean, I'm just terribly mean. I don't know if it's bad exactly but when I'm upset I say extremely harsh things; I don't know if that's me being brutally honest or if that's just me trying to get back at people who've hurt me. I think I've been told this countless of times. I don't want to say anything I'll regret later on, so I'll try to hold myself back from doing anything stupid. Sigh.

Inhale. Exhale.

Hot chocolate always puts me to sleep. Sophia used to tell me that if you apply Vicks on the soles of your feet and put on a pair of warm and cozy socks, you wouldn't have a difficult time sleeping. But I can't sleep with socks. Low room temperatures score additional bonus points. A good book helps as well. But what I like the most is listening to my boyfriend's voice over the phone speaking in gentle hush tones reminding me he loves me. There's nothing like that.

I zone out for a bit whenever he does that. Does what? Remind me that he loves me? Oh. Do I tell him I love him too because it's a standard reply? Or do I tell him I love him more because that's the truth? I don't know. Due to a hectic schedule, I seldom think about it but when I do, I don't stop because I don't know the answer. He leaves me wondering, but I like that. I like to remain lost and wander in my own wonder of the 18 year-old who's deeply in love with Subway cookies and me. Hopefully.

I have a Chemistry worksheet due tomorrow evening, and a box of colored chalks and a blackboard my best friends bought for me waiting to be scribbled on in 3 weeks time. My choices are so limited. It's half an hour to 04:00, what am I to do now? Oh how I wish it rained. End rant.

Please bid 'Selamat Pagi' to the following,

 Ong Jia Ming.

 Emmanuel Yap.

Aida Sofia.

Brian Goh.